Riddle me this.

Am I enough? I am terrified that I am not. I am not enough. I am not the wanted or needed. I am the filler of only a second. When my second is up it will take yet a life time to fill another. Up and down battles with self and others. Heartbreak and headaches for years that seem to never end. Why when I wake I feel like I'm dying? Why when I sleep I feel like I am alive? I am not me. I am not myself. How can I find myself when I have been lost for so many years? Days, weeks, months have past and yet I am in the same phase I was last year. The same tears burn my cheeks as they reach my neck. The same alcohol touches my lips to soothe my mind. I hear how can you expect different result when you continue to do the same things. Well I tried something new once. I threw away every old piece of me and decided to become someone.. Only to find out I was becoming someone that wasn't me. I was more depressed at that time then I've ever been in the past. Alone and broken in half still not repaired. Funny how everyone loves to tell you to stay the same but then you must change in order to evolve. Here I am, asking you which is it? Must I change.. Or am I enough?