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I woke thinking everything was perfect. I was happy no sadness left my eyes. Then without warning, despair hit. I feel like I am drowning. I can't breathe. Water is filling my lungs so quickly that I can't stop it. Maybe I do not want to stop it. Maybe I want the water to take control of my body and slowly kill me without remorse. No remorse for my hurt. My pain has been intense for nine years. Only to get worse. Why? Why do I hurt so badly that the only cure is death? I sleep begging to never wake again. I sleep, praying that my dreams carry me away into a blissful place of peace and understanding. Understanding that no one on earth can seem to grasp. I have been explaining my hurt for years but only to be silenced by those who write me off as sensitive or worse. Crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Crazy in love with death. Crazy in love with the thought of a person. A human being able to grasp the concept that is PAT. Hmm the concept is there for you to hold. To never let go but it seems to slip through the fingers of the living. Only the living can save me before I become the deceased. If I close my eyes I can see the peace. I can see the love in the world that is over shadowed by greed and selfishness.  If I close my eyes. I can see the heavens opening up and the clouds shinning so bright for me. I close my eyes and my dreams take me to an escape of paradise. In my paradise there are no more tears. No more sorrow. Only joy and the cool cool breeze that is peace. Serenity.



PAT.