My

The young mind. Never taught what is love and what is pain. Learning throughout the years on her own. Mistakes have been made and burned into her skin. What is the difference? You told me you loved me when you went to spread my thighs. You told me I didn't love you if I asked why. Why do we always have sex? Can you tell I don't want it? Can you tell this is only to make you happy? To withhold my sex would mean you not talking to me. Would mean you calling me names, since just yesterday I let you spread my thighs. I must be creeping on the low you said. I'm giving it up to someone else then. I never loved you, that's why I am being selfish with my sex. My sex. My sex. Isn't MY possessive? Showing some type of ownership. Does it not mean that the sex belongs to me? If I choose to not give it to you, why am I the selfish one? You tell me you miss me and want to spend some quality time. The front seat of the truck is for me. I ride with you so later you will make me ride you. Again you say I must not love you if I withhold it. I must not care. I lied when I said I would do anything you wanted or needed. Hiding tears and shame as you do your deed until done. I must be the dumb one to continue to let you enter me under these types of conditions. Again I ask why. Why do we always have sex? What is consent? If I say "no"? Or nothing at all. If I say "Stop"? Or just let you do what you want. The young mind has never been taught what is love and what is pain. Learning on her own throughout the years. I learned that I was suppose to give my sex to whomever I was "dating". That is the only way of showing my love. Because what is love without sex? My soul died years ago the first time I gave away my sex. I wish I could get it back. The danger of losing one's soul is traumatizing. Closing of my eyes so I wouldn't see my soul drift away from me. It's been gone for almost 10 years. Willingly, unwillingly, intoxicated, sober my soul has drifted. I let you touch me so I could maybe get a piece of love I'd been searching for. Giving you what you want to pray fully get what I desperately need. Continuous love. That unconditional, no matter what happens love. The older I got I realized that love does not bring pain. Love does not bring anguish or shame. My IS possessive . My DOES show ownership.

The young mind learns on her own the truth about hurt and pain. The difference between willing and stolen. Learn the truth. Speak the truth. Understand the truth.



*Disclaimer:  These are words put into summary of previous events and feelings of years past. Still relevant and important.


P.A.T.