I need it all

Just months ago she said she only wanted me and that this wasn't going to be another trail and error relationship. Like shit because it totally was. To say I hate her would be a lie but I most definetly don't want to cry and be remind of the bullshit that happen in the course of 6 months. The longing of another person and wait for months just to touch them. To feel like this is all I've ever wanted. Needed, then it all be snatched away like it was never mine to possess. Here I am again being told that this might be it. That this may be what I have been waiting, longing, wishing for. The love, hate, anger, joy, pain, happiness. I have been wishing for a lasting love that even when we are emotionally upset, we are still wholeheartedly in love. So in love that even the thought of not kissing her before bed makes my body ache. The thought of never looking in her eyes would make my lungs fill with oxygen just to suffocate me with my own breath. The fear of maybe getting what I want. Need. Desire. Is the most terrifying idea ever. As I said I find myself in the situation of obtaining a love so pure that it's poisonous to the touch. Excited and exhausted. This could fail and I'll be laying in my bed writing the same words on the same page. Instead I let this sweet pink wine fill me up so I am never hungry for the love, hate, anger, joy, and pain. Because I need it all.